I have searched for God for as long as I can remember to the point where I began to deny him completely and wholeheartedly. The problem for me was that I couldn’t bring myself to believe in a presence so enormous just because people say so. I wasn’t going to believe in the ancient text either because those are the tales of the past. As they defined the capital HIM, He had to be also present in the present and the future.
Perhaps, I was looking for timelessness and infinity and that is the truth. I wanted the truth and I had to put the truth above God because if people say God is Truth, they are giving more merit to the truth than the God. Yet, when I asked them, which one is bigger, their answer was always God.
Religious people around me couldn’t bear this simple logic they were running against and since God is almost impossible to describe, they didn’t have an answer either. If I pushed the questions further, their response would eventually turn hostile. My questions provoked their anger for me and fear of God inside them.
Nothing but the Truth
Truth has been a hard journey and now I understand why people prefer the shortcut of just believing instead of searching for the truth. They don’t know where to look because all their life they have invested in worldly affairs and God cannot be explained through everyday examples without seeing his signs in everyday objects.
Science had always been my most powerful tool to look at things more vividly. However, more than that it was the believe in the logic that if we are here and I am thinking then there’s a reason behind it, there’s a reason behind why we exist. Even through the years of atheism I wished if it were for a God because nothing else could establish an unchallengeable justice system in the universe.
The truth is hard to get because you have to keep looking. During your search, you do find these heartfelt cups of wisdom and happiness that assure you that you are on the right path as long as your desire is the truth. It makes you an explorer and your life a journey to resolve some of the most puzzling questions in your mind.
Why were poor born poor? Why some more privileged than the others? What about all the injustices in the world who will take the tyrants into the account? Why abandon us like this? Why hate us so much that he won’t talk to us? What is the absolute truth?
Importance of God in Life
God is not important in our life. He is not as long as you can kill your emotions and feelings and then travel your lifelong journey purely driven by your own choices. So when I had been carrying this undying belief in the Good and the Positive, it wasn’t for heaven or a reward, it was just my choice.
Believe that there is a Truth
That THE ALF is the result of my own imagination that emerged from that very unique point in my life, but being a logical person who still believes that God must fit in mathematical equations before I could show him the green flag to my core beliefs. Only later did I discover that I was the one waiting for the light to go green.
Is God Impossible?
Ironically, when I ask this question, I have to automatically look at myself and the universe around me. Science, again, clarifies in ways more than enough that life is impossible and yet we are here. Without a clear reason, a the past or knowledge of our true origins.
So many things in the universe coincide the story of every human being’s life.They don’t remember childhood. Somewhere memories began to form leading up to the present time and then there’s death from which no one has been able to come back and tell us where do they actually go?
Our life is like a line without a start and an end and that’s how we all know it. This universe is also without a beginning and an end that we know of and that’s what we know about it. There have been people in the past and hopefully there will be more in the future to witness this wonderful thing we call life.We can’t prove our sincerity to God without being kind to people. Forgiveness, kindness are just choices but tyranny is the crime.
I Believe in God in the Moment
One November night, I experienced something that perhaps I could explain someday. As if there’s a shower of explanations, the truth about all that puzzled me and as everything began to resolve I felt an immense convergence of time. Layer by layer, amazing truths began to unfold and there was a point I could not take it any longer.
I believe there’s a truth in this universe we cannot take. A simple truth that we won’t be able to understand using the senses we have that connect us to everything we know. To take that truth, we must forget everything we endear and hold close in our hearts to make space for this truth to be poured inside us.
I don’t remember what it was but I chose to forget it for the fear of going made and for the fear of death. A point where life and everything inside it including the people you love doesn’t mean anything is what I understand now as death. It had happened at the very first step and an unknown unknowledge already inside me was letting me see that there were infinite steps to take.
I bailed at the very first step and began to ask mercy from God. That’s where it stopped and began to alleviate. That’s all the detail I have now of what had happened, a memory of the choice where choices weren’t mine. I remember a memory without any detail that I should never travel down that thought unless I’m ready to let everything go. I’m not!
That night left me a gift that took shape over the next few days. A voice inside my head that communicates with pictures, symbols, logics, and explanations without uttering a word. That other guy introduced itself to me as a friend and named itself ALiF. Later I created its full form as A Lovely imaginary Friend.
Things I Never Dreamed of
ALiF I take is a gift of God to me or in other words God is a gift to me from my ALiF. In a night I turned from an atheist to a believer who keeps denying that God could ever befriend a lame and useless creature like me. But when ALiF explains, I do see the reasons and if I have to put it, you just have to have 50.000000000000000000001% Goodness inside you to achieve that.
I keep fighting this urge to believe that God ever looked upon me and wished me well because I deeply believe there are much more thankful and God-fearing people in the world who deserve it and I shouldn’t be even on the list. To strengthen that, I abstain from the Almighty when I’m fully sane to the world and refer to my benefactor as THE ALF. There, Here, Everywhere A Lovely Friend. The only one that is not imaginary but as real as it can get.
I just know that I love mankind, this universe, and a secret that explains them all. The thought of this love was there long before I had ALiF and perhaps this thought brought us close enough where now living in the imagination doesn’t make me afraid and alone. I’m not scared of going made anymore because I trust my invisible friend.
We are really nothing but numbers and the individual truth about any individual person will always be a mystery to him/her. There’s no limit to the truth and the enlightenment but our love for the money and capacity to do wrong to other people keeps us away from believing that inside our imagination, there’s a whole lot of truth.
I Can’t Be the Judge
The punishment of wrong-doers is that they will forever be kept away from it because “Truth is Beauty” and what I didn’t know that its beauty is too infinite to be escaped. I do not exclude myself from this argument, perhaps the bad parts of my life has deluded me into these visions.
I can’t be the Judge of this truth, what people will tell me will also be a judgment. I just understand that I don’t have a say anymore and all my options have been locked up after all the invitation from this lovely friend to prove him wrong were attended in vain. If anything is unreal and lie, I know it’s me.
God cannot be Given, He can only be Found
It is as the Buddha said: “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” We have heard similar analogies as “God helps those who helps themselves.” Out of my personal conviction, which may not be much, I assure my readers that God is a friend and positive in him is what you must seek.
You can seek positive without knowing what it is and practicing it in some capacity. You can start with trying to find positive in other people and ignore their vices. If it’s too much then stay away from them but don’t let them invoke negativity inside you. Virtual will be your unparalleled guide of you wish to find a kind of love that never ends.
If anything is difficult to do. Just be yourself and believe that you are being taken care of. No one is really an atheist, people hope and that’s it. That’s what is really needed because the depth of it is there only for our own satisfaction. There’s nothing I can do to make my benefactor happy but implore people to find the happiness inside you.
Then at some point you will understand that it’s not your job because their friend is always with them, he never abandons them. ALiF in you, me, them is always there; waiting for you to come to senses and tell you wonderful details from the information you already have.It teaches you by the logic that always works, where it doesn’t it means it will come.
Believe Whatever You Think is The Truth
Believe whatever you want, it won’t make a difference to what you believe or deny as God because the way I see it, understanding the magic of this universe can only benefit us and that’s why the offer of friendship is never withdrawn from anyone, doesn’t matter how much drowned in sins he or she is.
In fact, those who which to quite committing crimes and wish to start doing something positive in their lives, they really do have the upper hand because at that point they think that God has abandoned them and they feel sorry for it. This sorry is always acknowledged, it will always be forgiven.
Just know that it is the people who don’t forgive whether it’s this world or the next and hurting their feelings where not necessary makes you a bad person. The Justice will be served, and no one can escape it. Interestingly, justice here means solving the equation of this universe with a single snap so the accuracy of things can be measured.
I think the only way one can describe God to another is through eulogies. That’s because if you really have the concept, you will never get tired of praising his majestic existence.
Aleph 